My Firstborn's Wedding
Shane was ever an enigma to me. From his birth, I couldn't understand him. Not him, personally, but I was a single mother forced to deal with this tiny person. This tiny person who constantly cried, from his birth, until he was two years old.
I was dumbfounded on how to deal with him. Thank God for my mother, but by the same token, she was no help at all. She spoiled him beyond understanding. But I hold no anger in my heart for this. This was the Caribbean way. Grandma to the rescue!
It's a very difficult thing to discuss, this tendency of ours. I don't think I'm able, still, at this advanced age, to touch on the myriad of feelings that lay dormant, yet awakened in my soul. I loved my mother, to all and every extreme. Yet, I have ambivalent feelings about the raising of my firstborn son. I can't delve into those feelings, for I'm still trying to deal with how I feel about them.
My mistakes and errors and faults were many, too many to count, and I am still trying to come to terms with where I went wrong. But I can't help but feel that this voyage was not mine alone, I had many pushes and prods in the opposite direction. But yes, I lay the blame for the whole disaster at my feet. If there were any way that I could change the tides of time, I would, even at my own detriment.
But, I digress. My one intent with this post is to exclaim how damn, frikkin' proud I am of the young man that is my firstborn. He accomplished so much more than I ever thought he could. The odds against him were insurmountable, yet he climbed that mountain, with no help from me, and has come over the top with such determination that it puts a tear in my eye.
So this post is in honor of his accomplishments and successes in life. My son, my firstborn, I am so very, very, proud of the young man that you've become. You've clawed your way through overwhelming misfortune.
I feel such shallow shame that I was not the one to help you through it, though I tried. You did it all on your own, and I have such pride in what and who you've become.
This post is a pitiable legacy to you. However, always know, you are my hero. Keep the faith son, I shall love you until the day I die, and until after.
Forever yours,
Rosevina
I was dumbfounded on how to deal with him. Thank God for my mother, but by the same token, she was no help at all. She spoiled him beyond understanding. But I hold no anger in my heart for this. This was the Caribbean way. Grandma to the rescue!
It's a very difficult thing to discuss, this tendency of ours. I don't think I'm able, still, at this advanced age, to touch on the myriad of feelings that lay dormant, yet awakened in my soul. I loved my mother, to all and every extreme. Yet, I have ambivalent feelings about the raising of my firstborn son. I can't delve into those feelings, for I'm still trying to deal with how I feel about them.
My mistakes and errors and faults were many, too many to count, and I am still trying to come to terms with where I went wrong. But I can't help but feel that this voyage was not mine alone, I had many pushes and prods in the opposite direction. But yes, I lay the blame for the whole disaster at my feet. If there were any way that I could change the tides of time, I would, even at my own detriment.
But, I digress. My one intent with this post is to exclaim how damn, frikkin' proud I am of the young man that is my firstborn. He accomplished so much more than I ever thought he could. The odds against him were insurmountable, yet he climbed that mountain, with no help from me, and has come over the top with such determination that it puts a tear in my eye.
So this post is in honor of his accomplishments and successes in life. My son, my firstborn, I am so very, very, proud of the young man that you've become. You've clawed your way through overwhelming misfortune.
I feel such shallow shame that I was not the one to help you through it, though I tried. You did it all on your own, and I have such pride in what and who you've become.
This post is a pitiable legacy to you. However, always know, you are my hero. Keep the faith son, I shall love you until the day I die, and until after.
Forever yours,
Rosevina
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